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Friday, May 11, 2012

Some things, I will never understand...

As you know, I started the search for my paternal family.  It has been much more heartbreaking and disappointing than I had anticipated.  When I sat out looking for them, specifically my aunt, I wasn't emotionally invested. Things have changed.
Since starting the search, I have learned her new name (since being adopted), I have discovered her birthday, I have emailed back and forth with her adopted father, and I have even seen a picture of her. Seeing her has changed everything.  It has changed from wanting to find her, to now, needing to find her.
I am overwhelmed with this NEED to find her. Its frustrating because there have been so many dead ends.  Don't get me wrong, I realize I haven't been looking very long, but let me explain:
I found a Facebook profile (actually two) for her. The profiles don't necessarily look "active" though.  Regardless,  I quickly emailed her!  After two days with no response, I was devastated. I got back on her profile (which is difficult because everything is blocked to anyone not on her friend list) and found several people with the same last name. I emailed all of them, in hopes that someone would respond with a light at the end of the tunnel.  One person, her adopted father, replied.  He had nothing, but bad news. :(  He and his EX wife didn't adopt her until she was 14, so she never got close to them and they have no idea where she is now. :(
I have since emailed several other people. A man, I have learned is her ex husband and almost everyone else on her friends list. I have even paid an Internet site to do a search for her.  For $9.95, I got A LOT of information. I was super excited!  I got several past addresses, phone numbers and even an email address, but unfortunately, nothing has reached her.   The addresses are old addresses. The phone numbers are old phone numbers and the email, which may or may not be current, is not responding. :(
I am discouraged.  One of two things is happening: She has gotten word that I am trying to find her. She knows about the emails, and she chooses not to be found OR Nothing is reaching her and she still has no idea and I am no closer to finding her. Either way, that doesn't leave me in a very good place.
Sadly, I think she may not want to be found because, while I believe that her profile may be inactive, there is NO WAY that ALL of those people on her friend list are inactive!  Which probably means, she doesn't want to know me. :(
Some things I will never understand, but God does.  He knows what's best for me and I trust in Him, that He will guide and direct my path.  If it is meant to be, it will happen.

2 comments:

  1. Oh Cheryl...I am so sorry that this didn't go as you had initially hoped. The one nugget I would say is that (based on what you have posted)...maybe it's just that she doesn't want to be found by anyone? Sometimes people lives go in directions that we don't understand and the choices they make seem incredibly foreign to us and our lives. I would encourage you to keep looking because, even though this hasn't brought you much joy yet...Maybe she NEEDS someone to find her and share how much they love her....

    I am praying for you as you continue....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ashley-Thank you. You're right...maybe she DOES need someone to find her. :) I will keep looking.
      Love you girl!

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